Where does it hurt?

There are people who experience pain and think “I should go to the doctor and they will help me with this.” At least, I think there are those people out there. My experience with doctors and diagnosis has been that they can sometimes, occasionally, tell you what’s wrong with you after you tell them where it hurts. Usually they cannot make it better.

These days my physical pain is mostly in my feet. My doc says it’s “plantar fasciatis” which is basically an inflammation of the bottoms of your feet. The “treatment” is stretching and water bottles filled with ice and staying off your feet. I can’t stay off my feet and keep my job, so stretching and water bottles it is until further notice. I will see a podiatrist in March (which was the next available appointment) and at best they can give me steroid injections in the bottoms of my feet… at worst they will recommend the same stretches and water bottles.

And lots of tylenol/ibuprofen. Which I already take a few a day because of various other pains I’m usually in. Even with all the pain killers, every step is kind of agony. That niggling kind of agony that is constant and yet still sharp and varied enough to catch your breath when you start to go up stairs (or down).

Being in physical pain makes it very hard to manage the emotional swings of going on new psychiatric medications and going off of others. Speaking of doctors that can’t cure you and whose treatments are at best managing symptoms. They put me on lithium which is hopefully not poisoning my kidneys as we speak. I have stopped taking a couple other meds that I don’t think were working anyway. I’m back to crying every day. And also I get to randomly feel nauseas which is a side effect of the med switches.

Managing all of these symptoms is really close to a full time job. Of course there’s still my actual full time job. And thinking about changing jobs and going back to school. All of which involves executive functioning that I can’t access when I’m just trying to not scream in pain and curl up in the fetal position in the produce aisle.

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